Internet dating, singles clubs, and personal ads are booming. As busy women leading fast-paced lives, many of us schedule Cupid in our agendas like something on our "to-do" list. If you're single and don't want to be, finding a mate can take on added urgency as time goes on. But how can you best handle the quest for love?

Many of us grew up believing that you get out of life what you put into it. It's tempting to take that concept to the romantic level – if you want a life partner, just go out there and get him. We tell ourselves that finding love, like finding a job, takes effort. We're prepared to do whatever it takes to cross paths with that special someone. Resolute, we convince ourselves that finding love often means chasing love.

The problem with seeking love is that it can set us up for disappointment. A more rewarding endeavour is to focus on self-improvement. After all, there's nothing more attractive than a confident, self-assured woman. And even if your efforts don't yield a mate, you can take pride in your inner transformation.

Abandoning the chase and getting to a place where you attract love into your life is more fun and less work, and you'll learn about yourself along the way. So if you're tired of chasing love, focus on yourself and who knows – love may just find you.

Here are some ways to stop chasing and start attracting love:

Live fully in the present
Acknowledge that what you have right now in your life is perfect and let go of the thought that everything would be so much better if only you had someone to share it with. Practise surrendering to the present and let go of the future. When you do meet someone, don't get attached to possible outcomes. Trust that you'll have what you want in your life when you're truly ready for it.

Be truly selfish
Know what you want in a partner and don't be afraid to say so. This empowers you and others, including prospective partners. It's attractive to be clear about who you are, what you want and what you expect of others.

Make room in your life for a committed relationship
Look at your life and what's in it. Are you clear of your past? Are there unresolved issues? Is your home cluttered and disorganized? Are you spending too much time at work? Handle these things, and notice what happens when you make room for something, or someone, new.

Be self-sufficient
It's not an admission of weakness to have needs – we all have them, and we all deserve to satisfy them. Acknowledge your needs and find ways to meet them in positive ways. By doing so, you won't set yourself up to "use" or scare off would-be partners.

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