We all admire couples who seem to have found the secret to keeping their sexual fires burning. Luckily, there are many ways to relight the torch. It just takes a little energy.

When trying to heal a relationship or even give it a sexual tune-up, one of the most difficult things to do is to figure out just what to do. To aid you in that quest, here is a list of my top 10 tips for adding some fuel to your fire.

1. Act sexy and you'll feel sexy.
Play the part by setting the scene with candlelight and soft music, softer words, lingerie, and great smells. This creates a fanciful mood for both of you, and sex will be unavoidable.

2. Make your bedroom a romantic hideaway.
Get some silk sheets and soft lights. Having a place to go when the feelings come over you is important to keeping romance alive.

3. Talk about sex.
Call your partner in the middle of the day and tell them you can't wait to make love to them. Drop little sexual innuendoes and talk about sex. Conversations about love may be one of the most underrated aphrodisiacs.

4. Share your secret romantic fantasy with your partner and ask them to tell you theirs.
Then make plans to play your fantasies out. Just the anticipation will add to your romance, and the gift of giving each other what you desire will be something that you will never forget.

5. Make love at least once a week.
This may be the most important and most disregarded rule of sexual intimacy. Connecting in this way is something that both of you can look forward to all week long as your special time together.

Too busy running around after the kids to make time for romance? Read our tips on keeping sex alive after having children.

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6. Be creative.
Relive your first encounter, kidnap your partner for a weekend getaway, have chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne in bed, or serenade your partner with your favourite song. There are so many different ways to be sexy. Just go with your ideas (or buy a book to get some). It's really hard to do it wrong.

7. Kiss often.
Couples who kiss every day make love more than those who don't. One of the sexiest things you can do with your partner is to just spend a night making out and cuddling.

8. Let go.
Give your partner total control in the physical romance department every once in a while. It's surprising how they will surprise you if they can give to you in any way they want. There is also something freeing about giving up control. Just say to the one you love, "Honey, I'm all yours. Do with me what you will."

9. Compliment each other.
Everyone wants to know they're desirable, and we all wonder if our partners still find us sexy after a few years have gone by. Compliments should take place throughout the day. This way, at bedtime, your partner will already feel desired and you will reap the benefits.

10. Think about sex.
We all think about sex, but sometimes we forget to put our partner in the picture with us. Next time your mind wanders in that direction, be sure to focus on being with the person you love.

Looking for more great ideas on improving romance between the sheets? Read about 10 ways to fire up your sex life.

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Excerpted from Emotional Fitness for Couples by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. Copyright 2005 by Barton Goldsmith. Excerpted with permission by New Harbinger Publications. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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