[caption id="attachment_3510" align="aligncenter" width="620" caption="If this baby could talk, he'd say Don't say this stuff to moms."] [/caption] Listen, whatever you do, if your childless and reading this, think twice before you say any of the following. Because here's what you say, and what I would like to say back. Except I'm usually too tired to come up with a snappy retort. 1. "I'm soo tired." No you're not. 2. "My place is a mess." Dustballs and clothes lying on the floor? That's a clean day. Let's have this convo again when you have kids and you're cleaning some disgusting brown mess off the kitchen floor, and you're not entirely sure what the brown is. 3. "My boobs just aren't the same as they were in my twenties." Don't make me get graphic on you. 4. "The laundry just piles up." Again. Nope. I own three laundry baskets and they're always full. 5. "I'm just so busy!" Ha. Ha. You're kidding, right? 6. "You look tired." Oh thanks, I didn't know that. I thought I looked like the picture of youthful vitality with these giant puffy bags under my eyes. 7. "It takes me so long to get out of the house in the morning." Girl, please. If you're just dressing yourself, you have no excuse. Try getting a crying kid fed, dressed and out the door for, oh, any occasion at all. Like going to the grocery store. 8. "Aren't you having any more kids?" Ugh. I hate this one. How much do you want to know? Because it's not a one-sentence answer if you want me to be truthful, but I think you're expecting a one-sentence answer. So here it is: It's none of your business. (Actually this one goes to fellow moms out there too.) So those are the things I don't like hearing…what do you say to silly questions and statements? -Helen Photo credit: Walter J. Pilsak via Wikimedia Commons